It was a really absorbing game, and with his team losing, Tokunbo was on the edge of his seat as his team poured forward searching for an equalizer. An attacking move from his team collapsed, making Tokunbo groan in frustration and remonstrated with the invisible audience in his sitting room. The first time she passed in front of the TV, Tokunbo barely took notice. It was a minor distraction that happened in less than a second, and he could deal with it. The second time she passed, he noticed because she was in her bra and panties, swaying her hips – those hips he loved – in a sexy sort of way. But this only resulted in a brief glance, as he was in the football mood and not even a naked Kim Kardashian could distract him. Or so he thought.
This time, his team had a freak kick when she passed. An irritation like no other overcame his senses as she made him miss the action. She went into the kitchen and wafting from there was a very familiar smell. If a meal could be seductive, this one was dressed in bikini. All these were in Tokunbo’s peripheral environment and he knew his wife just gave him a blow below the bell. He didn’t notice when she started to eat. Or when she finished. She asked him for something, but his team had just missed an important goal that made him cringe. Bile rose in his stomach; his team was on the losing end. His wife rarely got angry and Tokunbo always got what he wanted. The next time she passed, she was stack naked on her way to the bedroom. Now, that was the cheapest, most effective distraction she could try on him. Tokunbo gulped in his urge as his attention became divided from his losing team to his wife who was walking in a way that accented all her commodities. Tokunbo was clearly distracted. The only mistake she made was that she wasn’t distracting the team Tokunbo’s team was losing to. Then Tokunbo decided that following a naked woman to the bedroom 11 feet away was better than sitting here, expecting his team – with one of the worst strikers ever – to score two goals in quick succession. But the stupidity of the defenders filled Tokunbo with rage.
The outcome of this scenario gave birth to the first hint of anger on Tokunbo’s wife’s face. Tokunbo sat down, taking disinterest in everything, including his stack naked wife. ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ Tokunbo was to know the full ramification of this in a few minutes. His wife now knew that he was aware of everything that was going on but didn’t pay attention. The referee blew for half-time And Tokunbo’s bladder sent a message to his brain. He darted straight for the toilet. While relishing his relieve, he heard a loud bang coming from the sitting room which made him splatter urine all over his boxers, shield his monster and dash towards the bang. What he saw was a disaster.
His plasma TV was gaping wounds all over its surface and in his wife’s hand was a mortar. Shocked beyond words, Tokunbo just stared at her, his mind temporarily numb.
“I’m pregnant!” she said, smiling in an evil but sexy way.
“If I didn’t get your attention, now I think I have.”
As Tokunbo looked incredulously at his wife, a roar from the neighboring house caught his attention. His team had just scored and as a man who just bet house rent on the game, unbridled joy, regardless of the current situation, overcame him. As he jumped for joy, shouting ‘gooooal!’, he saw the TV remote coming in his direction, hitting him squarely on the forehead before he could comprehend.