I used to think not being loved in return was the worst thing to happen to any heart…
Until I met you , Moyo. Your perfect smile caged my mind every time I looked at you. Your laugh was my favourite sound, and I knew I wouldn’t relent until I made it my ringtone. O Moyo! My baby lawyer. I asked you to be mine and you didn’t hesitate.
“I swear if you hurt me…”
That was all you said. You were a wild lover. Very adventurous! Many times you would whisper into my ears, “Let’s runaway and never come back.”
I wish I had listened to you. Maybe we could have truly escaped everything. I mean reality. We could have run away from reality. We should have damned everything! But I had to be the voice of reason. Stupid me. I buried the thought every time it came.
You were always talking. Everything turned into a discussion with you. All I did was listen to your high-pitched voice piercing the air waves. I would caution you and then you’ll laugh without a care in the world.
“Let them hear…”
“Shh…I want you for myself Moyo”. I would often say, and then you’ll hug my arm like a little child. Before remembering another ‘gist’.
Life was amazing with you. We were going to get married and have many kids. Was it four or five? I cannot recollect, my love.
My dearest, you were my drive. “Life is for living..”
You loved and lived with all you heart. Moyo, you were like the wind, without a care in the world. We had lots of arguments. But those fights never tore us apart. It was hard to think of anything that could tear us apart. You were my Yang – or is it Yin? (You would know.)
But these are just memories. It’s been how many years now? Ten? It was 2006. We’re no longer at the lagoon front thinking about how life was like a large ocean. Those familiar fingers are no longer intertwined with mine. I can no longer feel that warmth that gave life essence. We are no longer teenagers with beautiful dreams that can only be achieved in books and movies. We no longer believe in those things that fuelled our desires. Things like happiness. But we fell in love at the wrong time. Everything else was perfect.
You now belong to that handsome man on the front page of Daily Times. His arms were around your tiny waist…the waist that used to be my private property. I must say that you grew into a more beautiful woman than I imagined. Your curves are in all the right places. But some things were missing as I looked at you. I couldn’t see that smile that robbed the stars of their shine. The fire in your eyes.
I write this letter with details from our past to the present heart reading this. Whoever said time heals all wounds, hasn’t really been in love. Because till eternity I won’t let this wound heal. This wound…the evidence of my humanity! The proof that true love exists.
If you want to go back in time, to the moments when life really had meaning, I’m ready. If you want to set the world on fire, O Moyo, I am ready.
Yours for always.
(Because we never agreed on which was longer)
Ifeoluwa Jinadu studies Law at the prestigious University of Lagos. She writes about life, love and things in between. She sees writing as a veritable tool of self expression. She is also a talented blogger. Read her poem here .
Cover design by Akeem Alawoki.